In 2008, I wrote an article on the holidays and family violence. I put in that article things you could do other than avoid risk. Later, a letter the editor indicated one woman’s distress that I stated it's ok to choose to be in a dangerous situation. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this woman’s discomfort as I’ve been building my Warrior Divas concept. I’ve been thinking about what makes my approach different than other approaches I’ve encountered and I think this argument is at the crux of the matter. I believe that women have the right to choose to put themselves in dangerous situation.

I believe women have the right to be soldiers, doctors, cab drivers, welders, ninja, astronauts, housewives, editors, students, lesbians, designers, adventurers, or homebodies. I believe they should embrace life with all its risks and rewards. I believe I train in martial arts to be a better protector of myself, my family, my community, and my planet. I trust that having a strong personal foundation will help me be a better person. I understand that the more I know about myself, the more risks I take, the more I stretch myself, the more I can help others. I push myself all the time to do more, be more, grow more. I give myself rest time every day so that I can integrate all I’ve learned. I rejoice in spending time by myself, with my husband, and surrounded by friends. I love to teach; I love to learn.

These dualistic pairings of opposites are the epitome of womanhood. They are our strength, our power, our core. To deny our ability to stand tall and face danger is to deny ourselves all the joy life. I think we as women should strive to be more than we were yesterday. I train in To-Shin Do® to discern the difference between fear, intuition, and premonition. I train so that when I need to decide whether or not it’s safe to walk down that alley, I make that choice based on my judgment of the present. I believe that this moment, right now, is my opportunity to create a more capable world. Why would I deny that call?

A friend of mine wrote me to ask, "I am currently studying the Four Noble Truths... I am struggling with the second of the truths which says 'Difficulty comes from desiring life to be different.' I still have goals in life... Aren't goals a form of desiring life to be different? Is this truth saying that goals are the source of suffering?"

I was happy to see this question - it shows that my friend is thinking and really trying to digest this ancient wisdom in a meaningful modern way.

A goal is something which could come to pass. It is something that could happen. The possibility represented by a goal does not, itself, cause suffering. However, one could get attached to a goal. That sets the stage for suffering. If that goal does not come to pass, or changing circumstances make the goal impossible, then the attachment to the goal causes suffering.

Another way to say it is that suffering is caused by desire for something which is impossible. A goal is something which is possible - but if the goal becomes unattainable, we have to change our goal. Otherwise, it is no longer a goal but rather a fantasy of an impossible situation.

My friend's question is a good one because, without careful meditation and consideration, it is easy to confuse desire for possible things (goals) and desire for impossible things (fantasies). There are several ways we could get confused.

One way is that something could change from possible to impossible based on time. In other words, we waited too long, and now the opportunity is gone. We might be tempted to try to hurry up, or turn back the clock, to reclaim the missed opportunity, and this is inevitably awkward.

A second way is that we could get new information that reveals to us that the goal is impossible. In this case, we might be tempted to downplay or even try to forget the new information, thus returning the goal to "possible" status. This is a cultivated ignorance.

A third way is that we could discover that the price for our goal is too high - in other words, it's possible in general, but impossible based on our willingness to invest in it. We might be tempted to try to cut a deal, or even steal what we want, so as to pay less. We might be tempted to just pay what we can and see if that's good enough, if we can make the goal work anyway. This always leads to dissatisfaction.

There are lots of other possible errors too - these are just a few examples. We have to watch our minds and our motivations to get sophisticated in telling the difference between a goal based on beneficial possibilities and a fantasy based on impossible hopes. It's quite common to get it wrong in both directions - believing in the impossible or unlikely, and losing hope on goals which are quite possible and achievable with some effort.

Experience and attention are the key to developing this faculty.