The Art of Winning Blog

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Falling, Pain, and Getting Up

So last night I fell, hard, fast, and with witnesses which is pretty much the worst combination that doesn't end in maiming or dying. As I've thought about it, I've had two learnings running simultaneously but since I can't write multiple streams at once. Have patience. I'll get it all out eventually.

First was the physical experience. It's been a long time since I fell quite so spectacularly. Usually I can find my balance before I hit the ground and I've pulled off some amazing feats of athleticism simply to avoid falling. In the past, time skips when I fall. I'm standing and I come back to awareness having already fallen. Last night, I got to experience every moment of the fall. As I caught my foot, my body turned and I was heading head-long into the island. I tried to recover but my foot was still caught in the opposite direction of my momentum. So I twisted in the air like a alligator roll to move my head in another direction and slammed (seriously slammed) my lowermost ribs into the island. I kicked my foot free as I impacted and then finished rolling by sitting on the floor and breathing. "Yes I'm OK but it hurts a fuck lot so give me a moment." I wasn't sure I wasn't bleeding but I was sure I didn't break the rib so that was a plus. It took a few minutes before I could touch it to see if it was bleeding then a few more before I was willing to move. And even more before I was willing to talk to anyone. Now 12 hours later, it's in a weird state of swelling but not bruising. It'll develop over the next few days before it totally lets go.

So here's what I learned/remembered.

1. As a martial artist, I train so that I can respond when "bad" things happen. I can't always stop them from happening, though the control freak in me would love to. But we can respond when things happen. We can nudge the outcome. We can take the brunt in our side, not our head. Micro tweaks and awareness make all the difference.

2. As I watch the movie in my brain, I realize how much it parallels all pains. It's just on a different scale. What takes a few days in the body, can take a few years in our soul. I don't need to judge that. It's just the way we heal. Wow.

Have a beautiful day Boulder and if you fall down 7 times, get up 8.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Change, Choice, and Vows

The other day a new friend was asking me about my business and I found myself unusually stuck. Not in talking about the business itself--that's easy. I can wax ad nauseum about To-Shin Do, actualization, choice, and change for hours. Though I'd rather you just got on the mat and saw for yourself. No, this stuckness was around the success of the business because she said it looked like I was pretty successful, and in my heart, I hedged. Whoa! Really? I've spent 9 years building a business that now has 158 students who are all exploring personal transformation and mastery. I've got incredible staff who thrives on sharing this art and our school. When I walk in the space, everyone is happy and eager. It's a blessing and a gift. 

Of course, my first instinct was to ask myself Why but Why is one of the most useless questions on the planet because it depends answers that are, at best, incomplete and at worst, completely wrong. Have you ever gotten attached to answer and spent time investing in that answer only to realize you'd misunderstood all along? That's my issue with Why. 

So I turned to feeling the energy instead. The first thing I noticed was that I felt closed (which is weird for me). As I opened up to all the energies and invited them to be nothing other than themselves, I expanded. I stopped holding. I let myself feel all the beauty and adventure that's been created and still has yet to created. I like this space. It's where I can create from. It makes me want to dance, or paint, or do the books, or tackle my To Do list. There's no hedging, fighting, or resisting. It's allowance. 

More than that, it's my inspiration for blind work. It's the expansion of training in enclosed spaces with the lights off. It's the freedom of doing races blindfolded. It's interacting with my world with all my senses open and available to receive.

So I made myself a promise. It's one I've made before and one I'll probably make again. Each time I renew this vow, it's a little deeper, more knowing then before. I promise to keep making my world bigger, to be the stardust in this vast universe and never confine myself to smallness. I vow to not hedge, to own my successes and my failures as information, not judgments, to explore change and choice. And if I forget, I give you each permission to remind me. 



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